Where books become reality!
Ideas for buttons …
| And just how may I screw you over today? | I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable. |
| And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...? | If only you’d use your powers for good instead of evil... |
| Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. | I’m just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. |
| Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. | Mall whore: I can suck the numbers right off your credit cards. |
| It’s sick the way you people keep having sex without me. | I have a computer, a vibrator, and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? |
| I work 40 hours a week to be this poor? | I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? |
| I’ve found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time. | If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat. |
| The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat. | God was my co-pilot, but we crashed into the mountains and I had to eat him. |
| Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? | Let me show you how the guards used to do it. |
| A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth. | Make yourself at home... clean my kitchen. |
| Meandering to a different drummer. | Don’t bother me... I’m living happily ever after. |
| You appear to have me confused with someone who gives a damn. | I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. |
| Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? | How do I set a laser printer to stun? |
| This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting. | Not all men are annoying. Some are dead. |
| Earth is full. Go home. | You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing. |
| Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #2? | Too many freaks, not enough circuses. |
| Is it time for your medication or mine? | I plead contemporary insanity. |
| Chaos, panic & disorder my work here is done. | Back off! You’re standing in my aura. |
| A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. Here I am! | I work 40 hours a week to be this poor? |
| Now what are your other two wishes? | I refuse to star in your psychodrama. |
| Adult child of alien invaders. | Do they ever shut up on your planet? |
| Whisper my favorite words: "I’ll buy it for you." | I can’t remember if I’m the good twin or the evil one. |
| Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. | I’m trying to imagine you with a personality. |
| Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. | See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. |
| I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 30 years. | I’m just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. |
| Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. | Does your train of thought have a caboose? |
| Bottomless pit of needs & wants. | I like cats, too. Let’s exchange recipes. |
| You! Off my planet! | Which dwarf are you? |
| I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. | Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control. |
| Do I look like a freakin’ people person to you? | If I throw a stick, will you leave? |
| Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. | Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after. |
| Don’t worry. I forgot your name, too! | Well, this day was a total waste of make-up. |
| Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet. | Everyone thinks I’m psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. |
| I’m a multiple personality. Allow me to introduce my selves. | Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them. |
| I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. | Me ambivalent? Well, yes and no. |
| Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? | Therapy is expensive, poppin’ bubble wrap is cheap! You choose. |
| I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert. | I'm a PBS mind in an MTV world |